[RBS] Important PSA from Magen: Protecting Our Kids This Summer

[Magen]

* Protecting Our Kids This Summer *



This week's news about the rounding-up and arrest of dozens of alleged
on-line pedophiles operating throughout Israel (
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4262512,00.html), is a wake-up
call to all parents to make sure our kids are safe this summer.



The summer break from school and yeshiva is a marvelous opportunity for our
kids to de-stress, explore the broader world around them, and bond with
their families and friends.



Of course, the “unstructured time” framework during vacation is very
different from their school-time routine, and it involves certain risks.
Our job as parents is to balance the important “escape” experience, with
our children’s personal safety.



This presents all parents with a great moment to sit down with our kids and
discuss personal safety.  Right now, before we get distracted.



This needs to be done at a level that generates concern (so they will act
upon the advice you give them) without creating panic (which could freeze
them, or just lead them to hit the “skip this!” button). Wariness without
excessive fear.



We suggest that you broach the subject by talking (say) about the risks of
the hot climate – dehydration, sunburn, etc, and the importance of wearing
hats and drinking lots of water.

The risks involved in swimming – and reinforce the importance of swimming
where there is a lifeguard.



During this safety discussion, pepper it with “what might you do if…”
scenarios, and work through the possibilities and outcomes. “…what might
you do if you go camping with friends by the Kinneret, and your friends
swim there, although there’s no lifeguard? Come on in! they shout…”



Along with physical safety, discuss with them, in the same tone, about
personal/sexual safety.



This will need to be varied by age and ‘worldliness’ of your children.



Some of the MUST explain items are:



1. Good touch, bad touch & confusing I-Don’t-Know Touch. That our kids’
bodies are theirs and they must say No when they feel uncomfortable, and
move away. It is Not impolite – it is the right thing to do.

2. Good and Bad Secrets. Good secrets can be that there’s a birthday
surprise being prepared for Ima. Bad secrets are generally not time-bound,
involve a gift/incentive, or threat, and are about being scared. Most
important, if someone says “don’t tell your parents!” this is a red light,
and our kids must immediately tell their parents, or another trusted adult.

3. Most kids don’t tell if they have been abused, because they think they
won’t be believed, or you will be angry with them. It is important to
constantly re-enforce that you will always love your kids and you encourage
your kids to tell you what’s going on in their lives, even if it’s not
stuff you’re likely to want to hear. For example, “I cheated in my math
test” should be greeted with “thank you for telling me”, before exploring
why your child cheated and how to avoid this dishonest behaviour in the
future. This gives your child the message that he/she can tell you other
things that are on their minds. That you might not approve of the behavior,
but you always approve of THEM!



It is important to teach your children about Stranger Danger, including
“always tell me if someone gives you a present; I simply need to know about
it”.



Many kids are lured into secluded places by abusers with "please will you
help me…?". Therefore, educate your kids that “kids don’t do
favours/mitzvos for adults – ADULTS do favours/mitzvos for adults”. Help
your kids to practice saying “No, I'm sorry I can't help you; please ask an
adult to help you”.



In light of this week's news about internet-pedophiles operating in
Israel, it is especially important to closely monitor our kids’ access to
and use of the internet. (We are not discussing whether kids SHOULD have
access to the internet - rather we are assuming they DO have access).



Openly discuss with your kids what they can and are viewing and
participating in; take a positive interest in (say) the forums, chatsites,
news-sites etc that they like to follow; draw up a chair and sit with them,
ask them to teach you (yes, they almost certainly can!) about fun and
interesting sites they like, non-judgementally. Take a spectator seat in
their online world, such as by asking your child for you to be their
"friend" if they are on Facebook; ask them to sign you up for their forums
etc.



Calmly and openly discuss your (and their!) concerns.



Mention this week’s news item; even read it through with your child and
discuss it with them (if they are old enough to be on the internet they are
old/mature enough to be warned); it is important that your kids know to be
on-their-guard about adults who are pretending to be "kids" on Facebook,
forums etc; to keep clear of "kids" who (for example) do not have the same
social circle ("friends") as your kids; "kids" who try to arrange meetings
with them or get them to chat/write/speak about sexuality.



Setting Clear Rules: Establish together times when the internet can/can't
be used; have a designated location where internet can solely be used, such
as in the salon, with the screen facing into the room (so you and others
can see it); use a content filter, such as Rimon (agree the safety
settings). From time-to-time use the "History" button on the internet
browser to see where your kids have been visiting.



Even more important, is telling your children that most kids who are hurt
by an adult, are hurt by an adult they know and trust. This is difficult
for kids to internalize. For that matter, it’s very difficult for adults to
internalize this also. Uncles, baby-sitters, teachers, camp councilors,
frum people…have the same rules as the rest of society. And if they seem to
be going over regular behavior boundaries – this is unacceptable, your
child must tell you and you will make sure the adult is stopped (however
uncomfortable or ‘impolite’ this is).

 .

And always, always listen to your kids. It’s easy to ignore what they’re
trying to tell us.



Tune in to your kids' wavelengths – AND HAVE A GREAT SUMMER!!



------------

Magen – Creating a Safe Community for Kids

The Beit Shemesh/RBS Child Protection Agency


02-9999.678

050 8489001

Hotline at MagenProtects.org
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