[RBS] what teenagers tell sayeret horim volunteers

[Phil'n'Chanie Rosenfelder]

dear fellow parents
our kids want LIMITS
they want to have you set a home-time when they go out at night
and they want to know that if they don't show up on time, you will come and
get them
in this way, teenagers are really just bigger two year olds, with more
coordination
they want us to ask what they are doing and whom they are with, even if
they don't want to answer
they WANT us to care about their life
they want us to expect them to go to shul
not to make them feel bad for not going sometimes,  or even expect them to
stay the entire time, but they want to hear that you do expect them to go,
to be part of Jewish life

they also want you to NEED them
they want you to depend on them
to do the dishes, to wash the floor, to help cook
to feel that they make a contribution to the family

they want to feel that when they DO talk, that we hear the feelings behind
the words

they also want us to ask them about their summer plans
and to tell them what we expect of them during that time
(how many times a week we'd like them to learn Torah, how many times to
volunteer, exercise, catch up on schoolwork, get a job, how often you want
to do things with them as the whole family and with just them)
they also want us to "coach" them so that they can meet their summer goals


and THEN
they want to hear positive feedback for the things they do right

in short
our kids want to feel cared about, appreciated, worthwhile

when we don't ask them what they are doing
and
when we don't set limits and tell them our expectations (or we set limits
and then don't react when they ignore them),
the message they get  (and they tell us sayeret horim folk this in these
words)
that "
"their parents have given up on them"
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