[RBS] Open for discussion-- bringing young kids to shul

[Judy Clark]

This is a really important question- I assume that there was a lot of small-child related activity in your shul over RH/YK which prompted your question?

I can only speak from the "other" side of the mechitza, but for what it's worth, I really dislike being disturbed by any noise/activity during tefilla in shul, whether it's constant whispering or constant passing up and down aisles. 
Before I had kids, I had years of wonderful davening experiences, where I sat in shul all day. But once I had my first baby ( who was scared of loud noises eg shofar, graggers) I decided those shul days were over- it simply was not fair to bring my little ones to shul and risk them disturbing someone else's tefilla .

 So what if you're a mother who still wants that shul experience? I've seen moms who've passed the responsibility on to dad, so she can sit in shul and daven, but I don't see how that helps. I've lived in communities where the mommies arranged to switch off with other mommies so that all can go to shul for part of the time,  or where the shul  itself organized babysitting groups run by teens, but believe me, the very last thing I  wanted, after I'd gone to the trouble of arranging these kinds of childcare for my kids, was to sit in shul only to find someone else's kids clambering over me every few minutes.
Yes, there are a few unique kids whose temperament is suited for long hours of sitting quietly in shul, with enough books and nosh. But most small kids need to move around regularly, it's normal and healthy, and that means passing over other people, and even if they do it quietly, it's disruptive to those who are trying to daven.

So if you have small kids, can't make alternate arrangements, really want to be in shul for part of davening, make sure you sit at the back and at the end of a row and be prepared to make a quick exit ( and stay out) if your kids start making a noise.
This may sound harsh, but I grew up in a community with no eiruv, my mother didn't go to shul for years when we were little, and we all learned to daven and bond despite this.

And don't worry, Simchat Torah is round the corner---plenty of time for kids to bond with parents, and run around in shul!!

Shana tova

Judy

PS The next question is what about kids who are a little older and need to get used to a proper davening experience, but their moms are home with the little kids? For years, in our shul (Etz Chaim in Givat Savion), Dr. Yisroel Yaffa has been running an amazing kids' minyan every Shabbat, which lasts about an hour, set up with a mechitza like a real shul. It includes the most important parts of tefilla, with a dvar tora and great treats afterwards, but he insists that children show up on time, don't run in and out, and sit decorously throughout. In shul on Yom Kippur, it gave me untold nachat to see female "graduates" of his tefilla group sitting quietly, not always with their moms, occasionally helped  by other women to follow in the machzor. I'm sure Dr. Yaffa would be happy to share his experience in running the kids' minyan with anyone who's interested in starting one in their own shul.

Message: 11
Date: Sat, 14 Sep 2013 14:13:24 -0400 (EDT)
From: Yehuda     Geoffrey Stebbins <wfcnet at aol.com>
To: list at shemesh.co.il, rbs at cs.huji.ac.il, rbs at yahoogroups.com
Subject: [BS/RBS list] Open for discussion
Message-ID: <8D07F8D3CBE3B1B-EF4-1D830 at webmail-m149.sysops.aol.com>
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Open for Discussion
Is it better to bond with young children in Shul or better to concentrate on ones dovening ?
Is talking softly in Shul equal, better or worse that having young kids disturbing others dovening by passing in and out of rows and up and down the ailse ?


Yehuda  Stebbins
wfcnet at aol.com



RBS resident



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