Satire: Emma Watson getting interviewed for a software development position

Thu Jun 19 18:03:16 IDT 2014

Why not? It can't be a lot worse than the endless discussion about hamakor.
Or is this a different list?

On Thu, Jun 19, 2014 at 1:03 PM, Amos Shapira <amos.shapira at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Please don't send this sort of stuff here.
> On 19 Jun 2014 19:12, "Shlomi Fish" <shlomif at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> in this URL:
>>
>>
>> http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Emma-Watson-applying-for-a-software-dev-job/
>>
>> you can find a short satire titled “Emma Watson getting interviewed for a
>> software development position” under the CC-by-sa licence.
>>
>> In case you don't know, Watson is
>> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson - a
>> 1990 born British actress and model, who rose to fame playing Hermione in
>> the
>> Harry Potter films, and [quoting from the Wikipedia page] «In October
>> 2013, she
>> was voted Sexiest Female Movie Star in a worldwide poll conducted by
>> Empire
>> magazine.[7] In May 2014, BuzzFeed dubbed her the "most flawless woman of
>> the
>> decade".».
>>
>> Now the question is: does she has what it takes to work as a Java
>> Enterprise
>> Software developer… ;-)
>>
>> I also quoted the plaintext version below. Share and enjoy!
>>
>> Regards,
>>
>>     Shlomi Fish
>>
>> ====================================
>>
>> <s id="EmWatson-interview-main" title="Emma Watson getting interviewed
>> for a software developer job.">
>>
>> [
>> This is satire and did not actually take place.
>>
>> The year is 2014. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson
>> ">Emma
>> Watson</a> - a British actress who rose to fame after playing Hermione
>> Granger
>> in the Harry Potter films - just graduated from Brown University with a
>> degree
>> in English Literature. She decides to take a break from acting and find a
>> temporary job as a software developer. Here is an interview conducted
>> with her.
>> ]
>>
>> <s id="EmWatson-interview-text" title="Transcript">
>>
>> Interviewer: Hello Ms. Watson, your résumé indicates that you are
>> underqualified for a job here at Foobarbaznix Enterprise Software
>> Enterprises,
>> but we decided to give you a chance anyway. So why do you think we should
>> hire
>> you?
>>
>> EmWatson: Well, to be frank, I'm trying to get a lower-profile job now, to
>> take a break after graduating from Brown University with a degree in
>> English
>> Literature, and I figured out learning how to code properly may prove to
>> be
>> a useful skill in this day and age.
>>
>> Interviewer: English Literature, eh? What makes you think you are better
>> than
>> all the Comp. Sci. grads we are hiring.
>>
>> EmWatson: Well, reportedly <a href="
>> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edsger_W._Dijkstra">Dijkstra</a>
>> said that good programming requires good writing and reading skills, and
>> that
>> he prefers hiring students of English and other humane subjects over
>> students
>> of Computer Science, Mathematics or Electrical Engineering, because they
>> tend
>> to write better code.
>>
>> Interviewer: So you've heard about Dijkstra, eh? "GOTO Statement
>> Considered
>> Harmful!", hah, hah!
>>
>> EmWatson: Well, that “considered harmful” choice of title was unfortunate
>> (and selected by Dijkstra’s editor), and he did not mean that GOTO should
>> never be used. So please do not take take it as gospel.
>>
>> Interviewer: OK, back on topic: how much experience do you have in
>> developing
>> enterprise software?
>>
>> EmWatson: Not a lot, but I wrote some shell/Perl/Ruby/Python/etc.
>> scripts, know
>> how to make a good use of my smartphone and home computer, and have done
>> some
>> simple HTML, CSS and JavaScript / jQuery / etc. web pages, and I know the
>> basics of how to use Git and GitHub (but I'm certainly not an expert in
>> them).
>>
>> Interviewer: So you don't have 5 years of experience in developing Java
>> enterprise software?
>>
>> EmWatson: I'm afraid not, sir.
>>
>> Interviewer: OK. Here's another thing: why do you wish to become a
>> low-paid
>> (for some values of low-paid) hired programmer, when it is well-known that
>> you charge an obscene amount of money for each film you take part in?
>>
>> EmWatson: Well, to paraphrase on the old Hollywood adage: “There are no
>> small jobs - only small workers.”. A good and resourceful person will make
>> the best out of even the least esteemed job, like the fact that a good
>> waitress or waitor are friendly, express interest in the customers, take
>> their job seriously, are well-groomed, and show genuine interest in the
>> business.
>>
>> EmWatson: While I wouldn't object to work at a restaurant or a different
>> place that sells decent-or-better food, I think that I can learn much
>> more by
>> becoming a coder. And like I said - I need a break.
>>
>> Interviewer: I see… OK, next question, Ms. Watson: as you may well be
>> aware
>> of you starred in the 8 Harry Potter films, despite the fact that they
>> were
>> criticised as being bad. Why did you persist?
>>
>> EmWatson: Well, there are several reasons, but the main one is that for an
>> actor, it is better to play well (or even not so well) in a bad film, than
>> to not play at all. ”Publish or Perish”, like they say, which is also true
>> for the Academia, and, as you may well know, for the software world.
>>
>> Interviewer: I see. Well we pride ourselves on releasing
>> industrial-strength
>> and high-quality enterprise software.
>>
>> EmWatson: I see. OK, I think I've heard enough. I'm not going to work for
>> you
>> even for a thousand million dollars per month. I got a different offer
>> from a
>> nice consulting company as a Python/shell/Perl/etc. coder (you could say
>> “code
>> monkey”). While the monthly wage is not spectacular, it seems like a
>> decent
>> place to work while I'm taking a break from acting and modelling.
>>
>> Interviewer: Fair enough, Ms. Watson, it was an interesting interview.
>>
>> EmWatson: That's one way to put it. I think I'll go around your offices
>> now,
>> asking if anyone wants a signed photograph, to take a photo of me and them
>> together, or just to chat a little.
>>
>> Interviewer: I guess that would be acceptable. Just make it quick.
>>
>> </s>
>>
>> </s>
>>
>> --
>> ------------------------------------------
>> Shlomi Fish http://www.shlomifish.org/
>>
>> Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.
>>
>> Please reply to list if it's a mailing list post - http://shlom.in/reply
>> .
>>
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-- 
Sincerely,

Steve

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