Satire: Emma Watson getting interviewed for a software development position

[Amos Shapira]

Please don't send this sort of stuff here.
On 19 Jun 2014 19:12, "Shlomi Fish" <shlomif at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi all,
>
> in this URL:
>
>
> http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Emma-Watson-applying-for-a-software-dev-job/
>
> you can find a short satire titled “Emma Watson getting interviewed for a
> software development position” under the CC-by-sa licence.
>
> In case you don't know, Watson is
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson - a
> 1990 born British actress and model, who rose to fame playing Hermione in
> the
> Harry Potter films, and [quoting from the Wikipedia page] «In October
> 2013, she
> was voted Sexiest Female Movie Star in a worldwide poll conducted by Empire
> magazine.[7] In May 2014, BuzzFeed dubbed her the "most flawless woman of
> the
> decade".».
>
> Now the question is: does she has what it takes to work as a Java
> Enterprise
> Software developer… ;-)
>
> I also quoted the plaintext version below. Share and enjoy!
>
> Regards,
>
>     Shlomi Fish
>
> ====================================
>
> <s id="EmWatson-interview-main" title="Emma Watson getting interviewed for
> a software developer job.">
>
> [
> This is satire and did not actually take place.
>
> The year is 2014. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson">Emma
> Watson</a> - a British actress who rose to fame after playing Hermione
> Granger
> in the Harry Potter films - just graduated from Brown University with a
> degree
> in English Literature. She decides to take a break from acting and find a
> temporary job as a software developer. Here is an interview conducted with
> her.
> ]
>
> <s id="EmWatson-interview-text" title="Transcript">
>
> Interviewer: Hello Ms. Watson, your résumé indicates that you are
> underqualified for a job here at Foobarbaznix Enterprise Software
> Enterprises,
> but we decided to give you a chance anyway. So why do you think we should
> hire
> you?
>
> EmWatson: Well, to be frank, I'm trying to get a lower-profile job now, to
> take a break after graduating from Brown University with a degree in
> English
> Literature, and I figured out learning how to code properly may prove to be
> a useful skill in this day and age.
>
> Interviewer: English Literature, eh? What makes you think you are better
> than
> all the Comp. Sci. grads we are hiring.
>
> EmWatson: Well, reportedly <a href="
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edsger_W._Dijkstra">Dijkstra</a>
> said that good programming requires good writing and reading skills, and
> that
> he prefers hiring students of English and other humane subjects over
> students
> of Computer Science, Mathematics or Electrical Engineering, because they
> tend
> to write better code.
>
> Interviewer: So you've heard about Dijkstra, eh? "GOTO Statement Considered
> Harmful!", hah, hah!
>
> EmWatson: Well, that “considered harmful” choice of title was unfortunate
> (and selected by Dijkstra’s editor), and he did not mean that GOTO should
> never be used. So please do not take take it as gospel.
>
> Interviewer: OK, back on topic: how much experience do you have in
> developing
> enterprise software?
>
> EmWatson: Not a lot, but I wrote some shell/Perl/Ruby/Python/etc. scripts,
> know
> how to make a good use of my smartphone and home computer, and have done
> some
> simple HTML, CSS and JavaScript / jQuery / etc. web pages, and I know the
> basics of how to use Git and GitHub (but I'm certainly not an expert in
> them).
>
> Interviewer: So you don't have 5 years of experience in developing Java
> enterprise software?
>
> EmWatson: I'm afraid not, sir.
>
> Interviewer: OK. Here's another thing: why do you wish to become a low-paid
> (for some values of low-paid) hired programmer, when it is well-known that
> you charge an obscene amount of money for each film you take part in?
>
> EmWatson: Well, to paraphrase on the old Hollywood adage: “There are no
> small jobs - only small workers.”. A good and resourceful person will make
> the best out of even the least esteemed job, like the fact that a good
> waitress or waitor are friendly, express interest in the customers, take
> their job seriously, are well-groomed, and show genuine interest in the
> business.
>
> EmWatson: While I wouldn't object to work at a restaurant or a different
> place that sells decent-or-better food, I think that I can learn much more
> by
> becoming a coder. And like I said - I need a break.
>
> Interviewer: I see… OK, next question, Ms. Watson: as you may well be aware
> of you starred in the 8 Harry Potter films, despite the fact that they were
> criticised as being bad. Why did you persist?
>
> EmWatson: Well, there are several reasons, but the main one is that for an
> actor, it is better to play well (or even not so well) in a bad film, than
> to not play at all. ”Publish or Perish”, like they say, which is also true
> for the Academia, and, as you may well know, for the software world.
>
> Interviewer: I see. Well we pride ourselves on releasing
> industrial-strength
> and high-quality enterprise software.
>
> EmWatson: I see. OK, I think I've heard enough. I'm not going to work for
> you
> even for a thousand million dollars per month. I got a different offer
> from a
> nice consulting company as a Python/shell/Perl/etc. coder (you could say
> “code
> monkey”). While the monthly wage is not spectacular, it seems like a decent
> place to work while I'm taking a break from acting and modelling.
>
> Interviewer: Fair enough, Ms. Watson, it was an interesting interview.
>
> EmWatson: That's one way to put it. I think I'll go around your offices
> now,
> asking if anyone wants a signed photograph, to take a photo of me and them
> together, or just to chat a little.
>
> Interviewer: I guess that would be acceptable. Just make it quick.
>
> </s>
>
> </s>
>
> --
> ------------------------------------------
> Shlomi Fish http://www.shlomifish.org/
>
> Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.
>
> Please reply to list if it's a mailing list post - http://shlom.in/reply .
>
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